Still Crazy

Now I sit in my garage
And I watch the cars
I fear Ill do some damage
One fine day
But I would not be convicted
By a jury of my peers
Still crazy after all these years
Oh, still crazy
Still crazy
Still crazy after all these years


Paul Simon

Possessed!

My best friend in the whole blog world is possessed. Day after day he pours forth the evidence of his demonic madness for all the world to read. Sometimes he channels Bertrand Russell, or maybe John Wimber on crack, I can’t be sure. It’s probably a combination.

(Mostly I just wanted to Photo Shop his picture, which is a pretty stupid reason for this post.)

The Stranger

Saginaw Sister's grandfather passed away this month at the age of 102. She went to Saginaw this past weekend to attend his memorial service. More than 75 people were in attendance – not a bad number for a man with very few contemporaries. A number of people went to the front of the church to share their memories of this unique gentleman including Saginaw Sister, but her Uncle Jim had the most humorous story.

Uncle Jim and his wife had been taking care of grandpa for over a year in their own home, way up on the Upper Peninsula. A few weeks before his death grandpa called for Jim to come quickly. He claimed there was a strange man in his room near the foot of his bed. Jim entered the room to find grandpa in his bed but no one else was there. Jim asked for grandpa to describe the man and what grandpa described would send shivers down most of our backs. This person was standing in the room near grandpa's dresser with his arms outstretched in a silent, welcoming gesture.

Uncle Jim told grandpa that perhaps this was a vision of God and it could be a sign that He was coming to take grandpa to Heaven. Grandpa politely listened to his son then laid back down in his bed peacefully as Jim left the room.

A few moments later grandpa called out once again for Jim and there was anxiety in his voice. As Jim stepped into the room Grandpa said,

"Jim, please check my dresser drawer and make sure that my billfold is still there."

There is a valuable lesson in this story and we hope you can find it.



Submitted by Saginaw Sister and the YB of the SC

When Cool Becomes Uncool

There is a corollary that says, “If you wait long enough anything will be out-of-date.” (I’m not sure why I put this in quotation marks because I just made it up.) This little bit of wisdom has kept me from purchasing many frivolous, albeit desirable, things. In other words, if I want something really bad I just wait a while and it will pass.

I have been into digital music for many years now. Way back in the mid-90s when Winamp was still privately held by its seventeen year old inventor, Justin Frankel, I downloaded a free copy of his player, paid $25 to download a wav ripper and started furiously sharing mp3 music files with friends. A co-worker and I rigged a campus network between buildings using old telephone wire and bits of Cat-5 twisted-pair whenever we could find it. A whole new world of networking, shared music files, and email was opened to us. It was heady stuff because we were discovering and applying as we went along. After we learned about IP addresses we hacked (yes I did use that word and yes I did) into the company main-frame which enabled us to connect it to anyone with a PC—including our bosses—saving them a boatload of money and bypassing the vendor. But I digress.

When the geniuses at Apple jumped on the digital music bandwagon with iEverything, my son had to have an iPod. I thought it was an extravagance and said so. Cool, but a pricey bit of entertainment nonetheless. He bought one with his own money—10 gigabytes, $389; American.

When he showed me how, with a $39 FM attachment and a bit of Velcro stuck to the dash of his car, it could replace his AM/FM CD player I was star struck. I had to have one. Unfortunately wanting and getting were two different things. I couldn’t afford one so I waited. And I waited. I was missing cool and not very happy about it. A couple of years went by and my company upgraded my trusty old, indispensable PDM. My new Palm TX played mp3s, videos, kept my calendar, surfed the Internet, displayed my emails and had a memory card slot for all my favorite tunes. It wasn’t iPod cool but it was a utilitarian dream.

Last week I was browsing at Costco and stopped dead in front of a massive pallet of iPods in blister packs. Mr. and Mrs. Joseph P. Sixpack who live in a single-wide down on Tide Flats Drive were picking up a couple of iPod Nanos for Christmas stocking stuffers. In that instant I realized I did not want an iPod. Any iPod. Ever. iPods were no longer cool. For a person who routinely goes from uncool to almost cool and back to uncool in the same 8 hour workday, it was a revelation. I had waited long enough and I was triumphant!

Ed Bradley Comes To Jesus

Tonight in a CBS 60 Minutes exclusive, Ed Bradley sits down to a revealing interview with Jesus Christ.

Hello Ed.
Hello sir. It’s so great to finally meet you!
Ed…
Excuse me, but before we begin I’d like to ask you a question.
Yes?
How is Mike doing?
Ed, Mike Wallace is still living.
Oh! Sorry, my mistake.
Ed you say it’s good to meet me…
Yes, you’re such a famous person I’m just thrilled to…well you know, to meet you in person.
You mean thrilled to find that I’m a real person.
Well sure. You know, there are many people who don’t think you, uh exist, existed!
Don’t you remember me?
What? I don’t…
Don’t you remember all those times I spoke with you? Remember when your mother died?
I was devastated.
I remember. You considered suicide and you thought maybe you should call the, “only religious person I could ever talk to,” your old college roommate.
That’s right!
You didn’t do either.
Well I got busy.
Yes I remember that too. You took a new assignment in New York.
Wow, you remem, know a lot. I guess that makes sense, sorry.
Do you remember the young woman who lived down the hall in your apartment building?
Vaguely.
I know you do. Newly widowed? Two children?
Yeah.
I remember you thought about lending her some money and speaking to the Super about letting her stay a couple of months—just until she could find another place. You didn’t do either.
I decided not to get involved. Hey, was that you putting those thoughts in my head?
Ed, remember when you did that piece on the small church in Moncks Corner?
Sure. North of Charleston. A good hard-hitting story. They had to meet in the locker room of a high school gymnasium because it was the only building left standing after Hurricane Hugo.
The same. Do you remember what the minister said?
Not sure…
He was speaking from my word in the 25th chapter of Matthew.
Sorry I don’t know that passage.
What do you remember Ed?
Well he said…he was basically urging his parishioners to put aside their own losses and go out into the devastation and care for others, for their neighbors.
What did you think about that?
At first I was incredulous. I mean here were these people who had lost everything, being asked to sacrifice for others.
Then what?
I don’t know. I just couldn’t understand it.
Did the minister give an invitation?
A what?
Did it seem like the minister was speaking directly to you?

Ed?
Yeah.
And?
Well he made me uncomfortable! Besides I had heard that stuff before. I could feel myself losing perspective. Journalistic, you know, professional distance. I felt I was being drawn in and I just couldn’t imagine me being susceptible. Look I had a career, a responsible position. People were depending on me. I chalked it up to the emotion of the moment. I had to turn away.
Goodbye Ed.
Wait! Give me just one more chance? Let me go back home and tell all my friends about you. Think of all the good I could do! As you know I am respected there. People listen to me. I got 19 Emmys. Come on. Give a guy a break! Hello? Hey, is anyone there? Anyone?



Tic Tic Tic Tic Tic Tic Tic Tic Tic Tic Tic Tic Tic Tic Tic Tic Tic Tic

A New Day Has Dawned

This morning as I was getting ready for work I saw the first positive news story from the war-torn Middle East. Imagine my excitement as I watched a CNN reporter interviewing an Afghani soldier who had been trained by US forces. The Afghan was telling about all the wonderful changes happening in his country and the work he was doing to keep the peace. The reporter wrapped up her story by acknowledging the progress but cautioning that, “there is much more work to be done.”

I turned over to MSNBC and to my astonishment I heard two analyst/contributors agreeing in a very polite and rational discussion that it was time to send more troops to Iraq to finally finish the job there so we could eventually withdraw with a stable government in place. To leave prematurely would leave the region in chaos, they said.

I for one am looking forward to hearing more stories of the great progress we are making in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Godzilla Day

It’s Godzilla Day here at Peter’s Ashtray.

On this date in 1954 the original Godzilla film titled Gojira opened in Tokyo, Japan. It’s important that we celebrate this fearsome monster and cultural icon because Godzilla remains one of the defining aspects of Japanese popular culture for many people worldwide. He is still one of the most popular monsters in the world.

Coincidentally he is also partially responsible for my less than stellar academic performance at the Harvard of Christian Evangelicalism. Each day after my classes I would dash down to my girlfriend’s apartment on College Avenue to watch Japanese monster movies until time for dinner. Godzilla was always prominently featured.

As it turns out Godzilla is a masterpiece of social commentary. The Free Dictionary dot com says, “The original Godzilla film was meant as an allegorical criticism of the use of nuclear warfare at the end of World War II.” Who knew? That explains his Atomic Breath!

After 52 years and countless reincarnations in movies, cartoons and McDonald’s™ Happy Meal™ toys, all of us here at Peter’s Ashtray wish Godzilla a very happy birthday!

Humorous aside:
Close by our fair city of Yukimoo is a small community where there is a pastor of a small church who was prominently featured recently in the Yukimoo Gazette. I think it was the 50th anniversary of Godzilla he was celebrating but I’m not sure. The name of his denomination? Church of God. The name of the community? Zillah, Washington.

No, I’m not kidding.

The Fresh Prince of Massachusetts

John Kerry says he botched a joke at his recent appearance at a rally for California gubernatorial candidate Phil Angelides at Pasadena City College.

I believe him.

Only John Kerry could flub a "Bush-is-stupid" joke that has been told ad nausea the last six years by countless entertainers and pundits.

Only John Kerry, attempting to tell a "Bush-is-stupid" joke, could tell it so as to make himself look more stupid than the object of his punch line.

Only John Kerry could botch a "Bush-is-stupid" joke so bad that even the leaders of his own party would condemn him.

Only John Kerry in the telling of a "Bush-is-stupid" joke could remind all Americans why he is not president and why they shouldn’t vote for him again.

Only John Kerry, telling a "Bush-is-stupid" joke, would reveal his leftover Vietnam-era contempt for the “baby-killers” and “Genghis Khans” that are the front-line soldiers fighting in Iraq.

Only John Kerry, attempting a "Bush-is-stupid" joke, would cause liberal talking heads to tell him to, "Go home, get on your wind-surfing board and shut up!"

Only John Kerry, massacring a "Bush-is-stupid" joke, would remind everyone that perhaps we should allow the military to recruit on college campuses after all.

Only John Kerry, after telling a "Bush-is-stupid" joke, would defend the joke before apologizing for it.

On a personal note:
Since renewing my acquaintance with the nicest and most respectable democrat pastor in the whole state of Michigan, I no longer tell this joke:
“Democrats have never met a scandal they didn’t like. If they can’t pin it on the Republicans they wear it like a badge of honor.”

I now tell this joke:
“Liberals have never met a scandal they didn’t like. If they can’t pin it on the Republicans they wear it like a badge of honor.”

On another personal note:
(From an actual imaginary conversation with one of my liberal friends.)
Hey, have you heard the latest joke about President Bush?
No.
Okay, here it is. It's really funny.
Yeah?
Yeah. George W. Bush. He's our president right?
So?
Well he's really stupid! Ha, ha, ha!
What?
Yeah, he's really stupid. Get it?
Uh...no.
Don't you get it? I heard it on Letterman last night. Everone thought it was really funny!
Letterman?
Yeah! And Bill Maher told the same joke the night before. It was hilarious!
That's it? They just said Bush is stupid?
Well there was also this part about people who support the war being idiots but I didn't get that.
Oh. I get it.

Convention Update

(Our favorite guest writer, The YB of the SC, has courageously offered this post on the happenings at the First Annual Bloggers of the Smoking Christian Convention and Poetry Fest. Yak.)

To the best of my knowledge the Smoking Christian has never made a habit of attending any sort of a reunion in his long life, so why should this past weekend have been any different? Nonetheless, the writers of Peter’s Ashtray, The Occasional Glass of Wine Non-denominationalist (Og) and The Shilohman along with the groupies Saginaw Sis and the YB (Younger Brother) of the SC met in the shadow of the Sears Tower this past weekend. A wonderful time was had by all, including the SC (in absentia, right next to Placentia on most maps of the OC) who kept himself in constant communication via e-mail sent out from his garage in sunny Fullerton, CA.

The weekend was actually slated to be the annual Family Weekend at the Harvard of Christian Colleges. We took this event one step further and added the “extended family” to our weekend festivities. Og and Shilohman have no current offspring attending the school but The Yakimaniacs (writers of Peter’s Ashtray) and the YB have their sons in attendance, so we made every attempt to include the boys in the blog convention.

It was so great to see the Yaks, Shilohman and Og Man. There was an atmosphere of extreme creativity that made the air almost tangible in its condensation. Our kickoff dinner was held at Romano's Macaroni Grill™ where the pasta was thick and creamy and the wine flowed like champagne, in spite of the fact that only 4 of us were imbibing that night. Og’s lovely wife was in attendance and she was quickly brought up to date on the lives of these fine Bloggers and we think that a lasting impression was made—one that only time will heal.

Our breakfast the next morning coincided with the President’s Prayer Breakfast at the campus with only Shilohman absent due to his need to head back to Michigan to prepare his sermon. The President’s message had a whole lot to do with the need for money to run such a fine institution. Their goal for the next 5 years is to raise $250 million, a mere pittance compared to the 4.3 billion dollar campaign at the Wheaton of Post-modern Secularism in Cambridge, MA. The President also shared some dire predictions regarding the future of non-profit educational institutions whose hiring practices do not lean toward the extreme left.

We are all looking forward to our next gathering, although we have no idea what the impetus will be as the Yak’s son will be graduating this year. So, I propose that everyone give some serious thought to making Southern California the next common destination. I could arrange for a tour of the Smoking Christian’s domain. We have a whole bunch of Macaroni Grills and, of course, we are home to the original Hometown Buffet.™