Vanity. All Is Vanity.
Hair Tonic Pitchman: “Do they see you?”[Good-looking guy seated at restaurant table gets noticed by hot babes strolling by.]
HTP: “Or do they see gray”
[Same good-looking gray-haired guy sits alone.]
HTP: “Do they see you?”
[Good-looking young executive gets knowing smiles from hot-looking secretaries.]
HTP: “Or do they see gray?”
[Handsome gray-haired exec. disappears into the rich mahogany paneling.]
I used to color my hair. This may come as a shock to those of you who know, or have heard, of my humility.
Yes I admit that for many years I sought youth in a bottle. I have always had a thick brown head of hair. So when, in my late 30s, my beaux cheveux started to show some serious gray I got serious about turning back the hands of time. Fifty bucks a month serious. I justified this expense by telling myself, “I don’t want to look mousy.”
All this came to a screeching stop when an inexperienced, but very cute, hair stylist turned me into a raccoon. I was already tiring of the questions and the expense so I determined that either the very cute hair stylist or the bottle of color would have to go. I went cold turkey.
Much to my shock I didn’t go back to mousy—I went straight to fright-white. Those who hadn’t seen me in a while wondered if I had gone over Niagara in a barrel. I endured it all with grace.
Every now and then I get nostalgic for that little bottle of esteem. Like every time I get introduced to someone who says, “You look just like your dad!” One such memorable occasion, my father introduced me to one of my mother’s caregivers. She said, “Oh! Are you brothers?” There was much gaiety.
So as I was getting ready for work one morning last week, I was listening to this Easy-One-Step-Hair-Color-For-Men-You-Can-Do-It-Yes-You-Can advertisement and asking myself the following questions in rapid succession:
Why do I have to look so old?
Why don’t I start coloring it again?
What does Mrs. Yak really think about my gray hair?
Will she laugh at me if I suggest going back on the bottle?
Why can’t I have beautiful flowing gray hair like Pastor Dave?
The pitchman caught my attention again.
“Do they see you?”
[Very tanned and fit, hard body is surrounded by hot bikinis at the hotel pool.]
And then the pitchman said this, “Stay in the game!”
Game? What game?!
I started laughing and walked out of the room.
I had just embarrassed myself—with myself.
posted by Yakimaniac at 10:28 PM
13 Comments:
Thankfully, the good Lord chose not to burden me with the temptation to vanity, at least as it relates to a full head of hair - of any color! When Rogaine became available at Costco, I will admit to buying once. But when I got it home and realized that using it would be a long-term and expensive proposition, I gave the unopened Rogaine to my neighbor, Chris, who was ten years my junior and completely bald.
I have always sported some facial hair (probably as compensation) and that turned gray long ago.
I suggest you gain a lot of unnecessary weight. Then the hot babes won't look at you because you are fat, not because you are gray.
Like the laughter of fools this, too, is vanity.
I am so glad you weighed in on this issue. You have saved me the embarrassment of posting an additional lament for my thinning hair and thoughts of buying prodigious amounts of Rogaine.
Maybe Pastor Dave has some dietary supplement secrets he could share with us.
I appreciate your willingness to share, or self-deprecate in this appealing post. I can't remember when my hair wasn't white.
I just walked into Graham's room here at our house. He keeps a picture of me on his shelf taken at Disney World, how many years back I don't remember...and my hair looks almost brown.
There are also some very old pictures of me when my hair was actually almost blonde. Come to think of it, Tom's hair is still blonde, why is that?
In my line of work, white hair works well...except when I have to reassure the client that I am not intending to retire any time soon, in spite of my appearances.
Clarification:
Maybe Pastor Dave has some dietary hair supplement secrets he could share with us.
Gentlemen and Brothers,
I can share dietary supplement secrets all day. None of them will have anything to do with hair, however.
I started turning gray in my late twenties. I believe it was related to the stress of having a young wife go through so many surgeries for brain tumors. It's a funny thing; photographs of me show me to be much grayer than I look in the mirror. The full head of hair is purely genetic, I assure you.
Other dietary supplement secrets:
1) Do not supplement your diet with imported ales
2) Do not supplement your diet with single malt whisky
3) Do not supplement your diet with brownies
4) Do not supplement your diet with second helpings of anything!
5) DO supplement your diet with skiing every week of the year
6) Do not supplement your diet with a job where you sit at a desk and study and write all the time
7) DO supplement your diet with some semblance of regular exercise that goes beyond rolling your desk chair around
You're welcome.
A-hem. May I speak?
As the wife of Shilohman and as a woman (many years his younger but not enough to be actually young) I can say the I LOVE grey hair on a guy.(a slight pot belly is nice too) It not only makes him look distinguished but also real and believable.
In defence of my own expensive hair-coloring ritual...(which has led me also to many storied hair colorings that went south...to name one, having my hair turned a brilliant magenta)I fully accept the title of vain and gamish and well..even fake. ( I do pride myself on the fact that I always tell my real age!) (OK. When pressed.) Yes, I may be vain- but think of this guys- YOU CAN BE Grey and look cute and distinguished. A woman who no longer is aquainted with one of those small bikinis can be grey and will earn for herself the phrase "She let herself go." It's a woman eat woman world out there! And I intend to fight until the put me in the box! No matter how long my teeth get, or how flappy my eyelids are, or
how many chin hairs I have to pluck! Even if it kills me!
So I say...
Relax. Update your shoes.(Pitch the ones with the turned-up toes)(DAVID) Buy some good cologne.(The scent really down start to change after about 10 months) Get some new shirts (disco is out now) (so is argyle), and enjoy the freedom of being genuinely attractive as yourself...bald, or grey, or chubby (or all of the above). Most of all- be glad you're not a woman. (For us-After 30- it's diminishing returns all the way!)
PS. I am excluding my Mother-in-law and her 'beautiful California people' daughters in this...of whom I will be jealous until the day I die! (They ARE realted to David! It runs in their family!)
And Dad- of course- you're naturally the cutest!
Um, Anne, I wonder if you would like to reconsider that phrase "woman eat woman world" when we're discussing dietary supplements? I don't know...you're the writer.
"I can say the I LOVE grey hair on a guy.(a slight pot belly is nice too)"
Sounds like Anne has a Santa Claus thing.
I prefer the old Kenny Rogers look myself (before the unspeakable plastic surgury damaged his face forever!)
Santa has a serious fashion issue...and way too much beard!
Natalie! Ssssshhhhhhh!!! My kids don't know about my secret identity! Ho Ho Ho
Yes, I too sought youth in a bottle for many years. And I would like to thank you and your lovely wife for the nice note you sent me in rehab.
Shilodude also send me a letter so excellent I had to share part of it in one of my many, many groups.
Of course the prize for "inspriational cards" is to be shared by my dear Mother and older brother.
They each sent at least one each per day. As I told my caretakers who had to see me open my mail to ensure there were no drugs or small bottles of vodka enclosed in the cards, or a secret map out of the city of San Clemente, with all their cards I was getting close to having the entire Bible after only three weeks. Sadly, by the time I was released back into polite society, I only had Genisis through Galations. Perhaps that's all one really needs?
Thanks again!
Welcome back!
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