BULL Summis Ornus Dies

A obsequium per suus plurimus altus excellentia Shilohman Cardinal of Templum of SC, parumper magis efficax speculatio of a sanctus quod consecro dies. Quod pro propitius suffragium of Suus Holiness SC Prothoplastus.

(A submission by his most high excellency Shilohman, Cardinal of the Church of the SC, for a more efficacious observance of a holy and consecrated day. And for the gracious approval of His Holiness, SC the First.)

SC the First: BULL Summis Ornus Dies, February 26th, 2006 Bullarium Romanum (Taurinensis editio), sub, anno 2006. SC I, bishop, servant of the servants of God, Ad futuram rei memoriam.

Desiring with supreme ardor, as pastoral solicitude requires, that the faith in our days everywhere grow and flourish as much as possible, and that all heretical depravity be put far from the territories of the faithful, we freely declare and anew decree this by which our pious desire may be fulfilled, that February 24, 2006 shall be set aside as a church wide day of mourning in perpetuam. It shall henceforth be known as and referred to as "Ash Day." Every February 24 the faithful will symbolically pack a box with personal belongings, label it, tape it up, and carry it out to the driveway where it will sit forlornly throughout the daylight hours. All computers will be unplugged and left unused until at least 6:00 in the evening. Only fast food will be consumed.

A special indulgence will be offered to the faithful who go so far as to drive around in their cars all day with a pack of cigarettes on the dashboard listening to Graham's sacred CD and looking homeless. (Remember, if they rejected your leader, they will also reject you, for a follower is no better than his leader. We are all in this together.)

Let no man, therefore, dare to infringe this page of our declaration, extension, grant, and mandate, or with rich hardihood to contradict it. If any presume this, let him know that he incurs the wrath of almighty God and of the blessed apostles John and Mark.

Given in Fullerton, at Penitus Templum in the year of Our Lord's incarnation 2006, on the nones of February, in the first year of our pontificate.