Santa in the Hood

Another wonderful post from the YB of the SC:

Today I delivered Christmas gifts to the homes of children whose moms or dads are on the long list of those who won’t be home for Christmas. These parents are serving time in prison for bad behavior. The idea to deliver these presents was not mine, it was the brainchild of Chuck Colson, of Watergate fame, of Born Again fame, of Angel Tree fame.

I was privileged to deliver more than 20 beautifully wrapped presents to more than 10 children living in 4 different homes and apartments scattered around the city of Anaheim, CA. Each gift cost somewhere between $15 to $20 and I can say this because I didn’t buy these particular gifts, someone else did. And, that same person wrapped each gift very nicely. Actually, I did buy a few gifts for the same kind of fatherless or motherless child, but probably not the same ones that I was delivering. Our church handles more than 600 such small gestures each year and it is quite a production from beginning to end.

I got lost only once or twice. Mapquest is not perfect, far from it! This is the first year in a long time that I made the deliveries by myself. I called my daughter in Scotland from the road to tell her that I missed her being in the car next to me telling me when to turn. I missed having her walking up to the door of the abandoned children to deliver the gifts, while I sat out in the car with the engine running in case we had to make a fast getaway. Some of these neighborhoods are very frightening to a middle aged man driving a very large silver sedan without benefit of bullet proof glass.

As I made my way to my second stop a strange thought came to my mind. These children are missing their dads who are sitting in prison this Christmas for committing a crime. People like me are pulling up to their apartment doors with gifts “from their dads” and wishing them a Merry Christmas. People like me are spending between $15 to $20 to buy a gift for these kids and each kid gets two gifts. One is a toy and the other is clothing as suggested by the incarcerated one. People like me are often the victims of the crime that put their parent into prison in the first place.

So, the solution is obvious!

Smoking Christian Goes Hollywood!

In a flash of blogatectural brilliance Peter S. Mooney, the genius behind the Smoking Christian, has morphed himself once again. From slick LA pitchman to humble Internet humourist and now to a writer with international presence to rival any other, Peter is making his mark and staking his claim. Unveiling his new website shows all his critics and detractors that he is here to stay.

All of us here at Peter's Ashtray are amazed and shocked that he has pulled off another artistic and creative coup! And all was accomplished in secret, away from the prying eyes of the paparazzi!

Congratulations, kudos and couscous Peter, on a new chapter writ large! All the best wishes for your every endeavor.
Your friends and admirers,
The Yakimaniacs


Please visit The New Improved Smoking Christian by clicking the link. The Smoking Christian™ logo is used by permission. All rights reserved.

A Fish Named Elliott

Peter's Ashtray is pleased to publish another submission by the YB of the SC. Keep 'em coming!

A fish named Elliott, a small bowl filled with water, some very colorful rocks and a lifetime supply of fish food flakes, oh yeah and a fish net, and some de-chlorine drops. These were given to our daughter on the occasion of her birthday way back in July of 2005 by one of her very dear friends. The daughter has been living in Scotland for the past 4 months, but Elliott lives with me in Southern California on my kitchen counter.

Elliott greets me every morning and reminds me of my promise to our daughter that I will do everything in my power to keep him happy, entertained, clean and alive. The fish is so much more than a simple pet, rather it is a constant reminder that our daughter will one day return from Scotland and once again reunite with her family and her fish.

We also have a dog named Honey, but we have our doubts that she will make it to the next day, let alone survive long enough to greet our Scottish daughter’s return to California…so, you see, it really is up to Elliott to fulfill this role. The returning owner to her awaiting fish, just like in the movies.

So, I happily feed the fish every afternoon. Just a pinch of the dried flakes, no more, no less. And, I joyfully change his water at least once every week…this helps him avoid the dreaded “toxic shock syndrome” that was so pervasive in the news at one time. And, I marvel at the attention he gives me from his side of the small glass bowl.

And, I dread the day that I walk into the kitchen to find him floating upside down.

Aurora Borealis